I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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