feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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