I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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