I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
