I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
