he wants to bone in the snuggie
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
