I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
