toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
