he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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