Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
either way he was missing a nipple.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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