What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
