I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
