Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
