I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
