I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
