i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
time to smoke my breakfast
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
