As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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