i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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