i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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