Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
