i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
