If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
