It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
