Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize