I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
