I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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