She is in my trunk
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
