My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
