I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
