I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize