Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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