Can Purell be used as lube?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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