No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
