4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
