I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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