if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
