I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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