omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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