i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
