How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize