Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
