It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
