think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
