She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize