I love black thongs
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
