soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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