call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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