It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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