I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize