yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
