Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
