You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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