I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
