Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
