the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
