We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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