Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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