Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
