woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My ATM looks so different sober.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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