Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
