what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
