my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
someone owes me an orgasm
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
