someone threw a dead crab at me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
