yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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