It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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