you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize