But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
