google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
