i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
