Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
